Wiggedy Wiggedy Wrap
Karl's Blog. Stardate Blah Blah Blah,
Well damn. It's 2005. When did this happen? **whisper noises** Oh. Well then, let's go on with it, eh?
Happy belated new year to you my ever dwindling audience.
"Hey Karl?"
Me: "Yes? What is it disembodied voice that somehow made it onto text format?"
DV: "So what have you been doing for the past while? Not that you ever update or anything anyway."
Me: "Well, for the last month or so I was working as a Production Assistant for an independent feature film."
DV: "Did you get paid the big bucks?"
Me: "Need I stress to you that this was an INDEPENDANT FEATURE FILM."
DV: "Oh."
Me: "Yeah. But I'm keeping it real within the artistic community. I'm earning my indie street cred."
DV: "So . . . are Trevor's lawyers gonna sue you for gimmick infringement?"
Me: "Whatever do you mean?"
DV: "Well he does have this shtick in which he'll have dialogues with other personas. You're clearly ripping him off."
Me: "Am not."
DV: "Are too."
Me: "This is entirely different."
DV: "Yeah right. I smell a lawsuit. Or at least some flaming."
Me: "Well you stated that THE Trevor utilizes personas to convey his brilliance. You are clearly not a persona. You are some disembodied voice that came out of nowhere."
DV: "So you always have conversations with strangers?"
Me: "I don't always want to, but, they tend to approach me and start conversing with me. This is precisely what you did, might I add."
DV: "So?"
Me: "And how did you get in my house?"
. . .
Me: "Hello?"
------------------------------
So details about the film. If you really want to know stuff about the film, just go here. Otherwise, just ask me. I'll try to answer your queries to the best of my abilities and in private. But yeah, I cannot wait until I see the final product. Not that I did much mind you. However, if it isn't lying somewhere on the cutting floor, you may see me on the silver screen as an inmate.
As for humorous experiences, the only thing that comes to mind is the fact that I fell into the Fraser River. It was pretty stupid mind you. We were filming a scene inside a boat over at the Dollarton Dockyards in Deepcove. During the filming of said scene, I helped pull in the boat towards the dock so people can either board or leave the boat. Not being a seafarer myself, I copied the actions of one of the electrics brothers because he had fisherman experience. Correct or incorrect (probably incorrect, since I did fall into the water) proceeded with this course of action. A side affect of this was me stepping on the rope. Not only did this help me with bringing the boat in, it also prevented people from tripping over the blasted rope. Something that happened on more than one occasion. Prior to the incident, I and everybody else it seems noticed that the knot of the rope I was on looked "off". Not that any of us did anything. It was just an observation at the time.
So came time to pull the boat in. Next thing I notice is that I'm wet. At first, I thought my foot had immersed into the water. This had occurred before. However, I soon noticed there was a whole lot more of me wet. The scene is now me, hanging onto the side of the boat. Everything from the waist down is submerged. After some panic on set, the grips and electrics fetch me out of the mighty Fraser. Okay, the mildly polluted Dollarton Dock.
End of story right? Nope. I was off to the electrics truck to dry off and warm up since they had a gen heater. So there I am. Inside the back of the electrics truck.
No pants. No shoes. No socks. No backup clothes. Just me in my damp underwear and everything from the waist-upwards not soaked. But the gaffer got me some spare rain pants and gumboots, while the wardrobe lady got me some extra socks. With my new found dry gear I went back to set to continue my PA duties. Although, the sight of me walking was a bit awkward and amusing for observers. People thought I injured myself. This was a false assessment. The truth was that I was awkwardly on my tippy-toes because my size 14 feet were trying to adapt to the size 9 gumboots. I believe the documentarian took footage of this. So there, perhaps another tidbit for the DVD features section.
Needless to say, I took on a more supervisory role when I returned to the dock.
---------------------------
Spent Christmas Eve with the paternal side of the family and their respective friends. A small affair. This situation is due to some family squabble. Stupid I tells ya. Stupid.
Oh, and my uncle got real drunk again that night. Want an example?
*start*
Int. Kitchen
Karl and a girl (a friend of one of the family friends) converse about being tired from long working hours and needing to catch-up on sleep.
UNCLE: "You two should sleep together to catch-up on sleep!"
Everyone's mouth, other than my uncle, is agape in utter shock over the statement.
UNCLE: "No, I mean you should lie next to each other and sleep."
SILENCE.
KARL: "So, Shaq versus Kobe huh?"
*end*
Yeah, Merry Christmas huh?
At least, I was able to spend Christmas Day and Night over at my grandparents' place.
------------------------------
Did I enjoy my New Year's festivities? In one word: yes. The latest, and perhaps last, installment of "Drinky Drinky Smashy Smashy" was quite the shindig. It was probably the most attended one I've been present to. In addition to the inner circle and the outer circle, there were friends of the crew, soccer crew; people from the guinea pig BCIT film flex class, and Jason's BCIT classmates.
For some reason I wound up as the bartender for the party. They actually trusted me with their alcoholic drinks. Weird that I have become the mad chemist for my buddies. However, the newbies to the party actually believed I was a professional bartender hired for the party. It didn't help that I was dressed like a 1980s new wave musician. Whatever, I amused myself as per usual.
Lucky for Dave, we waited until very late to commence with the smashing component of the evening. The menu consisted of a TV set, a computer monitor, a printer, and several small sculptures. While we were lacking in "The Maddox" (our combination axe and sledgehammer), we more than made up in the myriad of golf clubs, crowbars, bowling balls, broken pool cues, metal shaft beat sticks, and football lineman punching gloves. Also missing were the mannequins that we were gonna use as effigy piñatas. Alas, that will have to be saved for future endeavours.
Jason, the host, opened the smashing with a bowling ball through the TV set. He expected for the bowling ball to enter via the screen and become lodged inside. Or worst case scenario: he missed the TV altogether. However, the bowling ball straight through that TV, totally obliterating it. The breaking of glass. The puff of smoke from the cathode ray. The shattering of metal and plastic. To us in attendance it was a magical spectacle. For those not present, they thought a gun went off. Afterwards, it was all out carnage as we laid waste to our menagerie of consumer products.
Dave still limps from an errant ricochet shot off the computer monitor. After futile attempts one-handing the device, Jon (in a drunken rage mind you) grew impatient. He told him, "No! Like this!!!" and with a two-handed grip and a full swing he shattered the thing with one mighty blow.
Due to the time being really late in the evening (or really early in the morning, depending how you looked at it) we had a small window of opportunity. While it appeared like a frenzy of wanton violence, in actuality, it was a precision strike of ruthless efficiency. The only victims being Dave's ankle and the inanimate targets of our frustration.
Even after such a display, there remained room for even further drinking and debauchery. Bottles were emptied. Pranks were pulled. Pictures were taken. Puke was emitted.
All in all, "Drinky Drinky Smashy Smashy: Death of Smashy" had a worthy send off, if this were to be it. Either way, it was the end of an era. The McKinley Club House is officially closed for business.
-----------------------------
The following Sunday was a hodge podge of events.
Soccer
We had an impromptu pick-up game of soccer over at Minoru. Unfortunately, it was ill-timed. This was due to the fact it coincided with the World Junior Hockey Semi-Final between Canada and the Czech Republic. So our soccer session consisted of me, Matty, Dave, English Jason and his friend. Everyone else was watching the game. All except Dan. For he was in the middle of a Lord of the Rings Extended Edition marathon. So after bouts of 3-on-2 and 2-on-2 with a goalie (me), we called it a day.
TOPS
Four of us decided to grab some chow over at our favourite EastVan joint. Dave, Jon, Chew, and I. We just ate and talked about random stuff. Only thing of note was the peculiar looking hollandaise sauce on our Egg Bennys. It looked more like Miracle Whip dumped straight from the jar onto our eggs. I was thankful Chew got waaaaaay more hollandaise than me. Normally I'd complain, but, not so much that day.
Alison's B-Day
That night was Allison's (Graeme's girlfriend) birthday. It consisted of a dichotomy between Graeme's friends (us) and Alison's crew. It was a very adult affair with tasty snacks and drinks. Unfortunately, almost all of us (Graeme's crew) had to leave early for a myriad of reasons.
- Wade: pick mom up from airport
- Chris: really suffering from a bad case of Norwalk Virus
- Chew: just had to leave early
- Jason & I: slaves to our respective rides
So we bade Graeme and Alison adieu and all jammed (except Chew) into Wade's car.
Texas Hold'Em
Once dropped off, I reconnoitered with Jon over at Jono's place. They were having a rousing game of Texas Hold'Em Poker. Not being a gambler myself, I observed. We all tried to tutor Kline to the game. Despite a strong start, he was the first to fall. Then list of victims was as follows,
- Jono
- Lloyd
- Clem
That left Jon and the guy from NooYawk. After several hands, Jon settled with second place.
With the end of the game we all dispersed with only a small contingent soldiering on. Kline, Jon, and I ventured downtown to meet up with some guys at some club. I can't remember the name of the venue, but, it was an impressive lounge. The DJ was playing actual vinyl and the music selection consisted of a mix of old R&B and Brit Invasion stuff. I got to see some guys I don't see enough of. Jon sees them often enough, but, I haven't hung out with them on a regular basis since Langara. More importantly, I haven't seen I.G. since like highschool. Due to him teaching English in Japan, me seeing him is even a rarer occurrence. So that was good.
-------------------------------------------
I guess it was like only a few days ago, but, Jon just woke up at some time past midnight. He sees me online and says he wants to do something. So we head to the only video place open at the time, Tom's Video. After perusing their catalogue (no we didn't venture into their like 3 rooms of porn) we settled upon "The Occult History of the Third Reich". Nothing like a 2 disc, 3 hour long documentary series to peak our interest right?
I believe we fell asleep through all three episodes that made up the series. No loss for me. I was already with most of the material it dealt with. I blame the way it was presented. It was reminiscent of the history programs you'd see late at night. Something in the vein of "Our World At War" with its use of WWII footage and dry matter-of-fact narration.
I wouldn't object to another viewing, but, perhaps not during the twilight hours.
After gaining consciousness, we headed to my place. I made a "nutritious" breakfast of mac&cheese and hotdogs. Before and during the meal we watched some DVDs.
First was some disc AXE gave me in the mail. It was the highlights of Camp Touch. Anyone remember that ad campaign? Basically, a promo video where home video footage of the weekend (week[s]?) was condensed to 15 minutes. Since I never went to summer camp myself as a kid, I only have films as a point of reference. And it kinda looked like them. Y'know with people 19&up actin' like they're "kids" away at camp.
Next was "Napoleon Dynamite". Stupid fun. Lots and lots of stupid fun to be had by all. Namely, Jon and I. My family just looked at us weird as we enjoyed the movie.
-------------------------------------
The hell? I just looked outside and it's snowing. I better move my van, or as I like to call it when there's snow "My Coffin on Wheels", before some moron in a SUV crashes into it with their tonnage of 4-wheel-drive and traction control.
Random kid: What are you gonna do today, Karl?
Karl: Whatever I feel like I wanna do, gosh!
Later Days.
End Transmission.
Well damn. It's 2005. When did this happen? **whisper noises** Oh. Well then, let's go on with it, eh?
Happy belated new year to you my ever dwindling audience.
"Hey Karl?"
Me: "Yes? What is it disembodied voice that somehow made it onto text format?"
DV: "So what have you been doing for the past while? Not that you ever update or anything anyway."
Me: "Well, for the last month or so I was working as a Production Assistant for an independent feature film."
DV: "Did you get paid the big bucks?"
Me: "Need I stress to you that this was an INDEPENDANT FEATURE FILM."
DV: "Oh."
Me: "Yeah. But I'm keeping it real within the artistic community. I'm earning my indie street cred."
DV: "So . . . are Trevor's lawyers gonna sue you for gimmick infringement?"
Me: "Whatever do you mean?"
DV: "Well he does have this shtick in which he'll have dialogues with other personas. You're clearly ripping him off."
Me: "Am not."
DV: "Are too."
Me: "This is entirely different."
DV: "Yeah right. I smell a lawsuit. Or at least some flaming."
Me: "Well you stated that THE Trevor utilizes personas to convey his brilliance. You are clearly not a persona. You are some disembodied voice that came out of nowhere."
DV: "So you always have conversations with strangers?"
Me: "I don't always want to, but, they tend to approach me and start conversing with me. This is precisely what you did, might I add."
DV: "So?"
Me: "And how did you get in my house?"
. . .
Me: "Hello?"
------------------------------
So details about the film. If you really want to know stuff about the film, just go here. Otherwise, just ask me. I'll try to answer your queries to the best of my abilities and in private. But yeah, I cannot wait until I see the final product. Not that I did much mind you. However, if it isn't lying somewhere on the cutting floor, you may see me on the silver screen as an inmate.
As for humorous experiences, the only thing that comes to mind is the fact that I fell into the Fraser River. It was pretty stupid mind you. We were filming a scene inside a boat over at the Dollarton Dockyards in Deepcove. During the filming of said scene, I helped pull in the boat towards the dock so people can either board or leave the boat. Not being a seafarer myself, I copied the actions of one of the electrics brothers because he had fisherman experience. Correct or incorrect (probably incorrect, since I did fall into the water) proceeded with this course of action. A side affect of this was me stepping on the rope. Not only did this help me with bringing the boat in, it also prevented people from tripping over the blasted rope. Something that happened on more than one occasion. Prior to the incident, I and everybody else it seems noticed that the knot of the rope I was on looked "off". Not that any of us did anything. It was just an observation at the time.
So came time to pull the boat in. Next thing I notice is that I'm wet. At first, I thought my foot had immersed into the water. This had occurred before. However, I soon noticed there was a whole lot more of me wet. The scene is now me, hanging onto the side of the boat. Everything from the waist down is submerged. After some panic on set, the grips and electrics fetch me out of the mighty Fraser. Okay, the mildly polluted Dollarton Dock.
End of story right? Nope. I was off to the electrics truck to dry off and warm up since they had a gen heater. So there I am. Inside the back of the electrics truck.
No pants. No shoes. No socks. No backup clothes. Just me in my damp underwear and everything from the waist-upwards not soaked. But the gaffer got me some spare rain pants and gumboots, while the wardrobe lady got me some extra socks. With my new found dry gear I went back to set to continue my PA duties. Although, the sight of me walking was a bit awkward and amusing for observers. People thought I injured myself. This was a false assessment. The truth was that I was awkwardly on my tippy-toes because my size 14 feet were trying to adapt to the size 9 gumboots. I believe the documentarian took footage of this. So there, perhaps another tidbit for the DVD features section.
Needless to say, I took on a more supervisory role when I returned to the dock.
---------------------------
Spent Christmas Eve with the paternal side of the family and their respective friends. A small affair. This situation is due to some family squabble. Stupid I tells ya. Stupid.
Oh, and my uncle got real drunk again that night. Want an example?
*start*
Int. Kitchen
Karl and a girl (a friend of one of the family friends) converse about being tired from long working hours and needing to catch-up on sleep.
UNCLE: "You two should sleep together to catch-up on sleep!"
Everyone's mouth, other than my uncle, is agape in utter shock over the statement.
UNCLE: "No, I mean you should lie next to each other and sleep."
SILENCE.
KARL: "So, Shaq versus Kobe huh?"
*end*
Yeah, Merry Christmas huh?
At least, I was able to spend Christmas Day and Night over at my grandparents' place.
------------------------------
Did I enjoy my New Year's festivities? In one word: yes. The latest, and perhaps last, installment of "Drinky Drinky Smashy Smashy" was quite the shindig. It was probably the most attended one I've been present to. In addition to the inner circle and the outer circle, there were friends of the crew, soccer crew; people from the guinea pig BCIT film flex class, and Jason's BCIT classmates.
For some reason I wound up as the bartender for the party. They actually trusted me with their alcoholic drinks. Weird that I have become the mad chemist for my buddies. However, the newbies to the party actually believed I was a professional bartender hired for the party. It didn't help that I was dressed like a 1980s new wave musician. Whatever, I amused myself as per usual.
Lucky for Dave, we waited until very late to commence with the smashing component of the evening. The menu consisted of a TV set, a computer monitor, a printer, and several small sculptures. While we were lacking in "The Maddox" (our combination axe and sledgehammer), we more than made up in the myriad of golf clubs, crowbars, bowling balls, broken pool cues, metal shaft beat sticks, and football lineman punching gloves. Also missing were the mannequins that we were gonna use as effigy piñatas. Alas, that will have to be saved for future endeavours.
Jason, the host, opened the smashing with a bowling ball through the TV set. He expected for the bowling ball to enter via the screen and become lodged inside. Or worst case scenario: he missed the TV altogether. However, the bowling ball straight through that TV, totally obliterating it. The breaking of glass. The puff of smoke from the cathode ray. The shattering of metal and plastic. To us in attendance it was a magical spectacle. For those not present, they thought a gun went off. Afterwards, it was all out carnage as we laid waste to our menagerie of consumer products.
Dave still limps from an errant ricochet shot off the computer monitor. After futile attempts one-handing the device, Jon (in a drunken rage mind you) grew impatient. He told him, "No! Like this!!!" and with a two-handed grip and a full swing he shattered the thing with one mighty blow.
Due to the time being really late in the evening (or really early in the morning, depending how you looked at it) we had a small window of opportunity. While it appeared like a frenzy of wanton violence, in actuality, it was a precision strike of ruthless efficiency. The only victims being Dave's ankle and the inanimate targets of our frustration.
Even after such a display, there remained room for even further drinking and debauchery. Bottles were emptied. Pranks were pulled. Pictures were taken. Puke was emitted.
All in all, "Drinky Drinky Smashy Smashy: Death of Smashy" had a worthy send off, if this were to be it. Either way, it was the end of an era. The McKinley Club House is officially closed for business.
-----------------------------
The following Sunday was a hodge podge of events.
Soccer
We had an impromptu pick-up game of soccer over at Minoru. Unfortunately, it was ill-timed. This was due to the fact it coincided with the World Junior Hockey Semi-Final between Canada and the Czech Republic. So our soccer session consisted of me, Matty, Dave, English Jason and his friend. Everyone else was watching the game. All except Dan. For he was in the middle of a Lord of the Rings Extended Edition marathon. So after bouts of 3-on-2 and 2-on-2 with a goalie (me), we called it a day.
TOPS
Four of us decided to grab some chow over at our favourite EastVan joint. Dave, Jon, Chew, and I. We just ate and talked about random stuff. Only thing of note was the peculiar looking hollandaise sauce on our Egg Bennys. It looked more like Miracle Whip dumped straight from the jar onto our eggs. I was thankful Chew got waaaaaay more hollandaise than me. Normally I'd complain, but, not so much that day.
Alison's B-Day
That night was Allison's (Graeme's girlfriend) birthday. It consisted of a dichotomy between Graeme's friends (us) and Alison's crew. It was a very adult affair with tasty snacks and drinks. Unfortunately, almost all of us (Graeme's crew) had to leave early for a myriad of reasons.
- Wade: pick mom up from airport
- Chris: really suffering from a bad case of Norwalk Virus
- Chew: just had to leave early
- Jason & I: slaves to our respective rides
So we bade Graeme and Alison adieu and all jammed (except Chew) into Wade's car.
Texas Hold'Em
Once dropped off, I reconnoitered with Jon over at Jono's place. They were having a rousing game of Texas Hold'Em Poker. Not being a gambler myself, I observed. We all tried to tutor Kline to the game. Despite a strong start, he was the first to fall. Then list of victims was as follows,
- Jono
- Lloyd
- Clem
That left Jon and the guy from NooYawk. After several hands, Jon settled with second place.
With the end of the game we all dispersed with only a small contingent soldiering on. Kline, Jon, and I ventured downtown to meet up with some guys at some club. I can't remember the name of the venue, but, it was an impressive lounge. The DJ was playing actual vinyl and the music selection consisted of a mix of old R&B and Brit Invasion stuff. I got to see some guys I don't see enough of. Jon sees them often enough, but, I haven't hung out with them on a regular basis since Langara. More importantly, I haven't seen I.G. since like highschool. Due to him teaching English in Japan, me seeing him is even a rarer occurrence. So that was good.
-------------------------------------------
I guess it was like only a few days ago, but, Jon just woke up at some time past midnight. He sees me online and says he wants to do something. So we head to the only video place open at the time, Tom's Video. After perusing their catalogue (no we didn't venture into their like 3 rooms of porn) we settled upon "The Occult History of the Third Reich". Nothing like a 2 disc, 3 hour long documentary series to peak our interest right?
I believe we fell asleep through all three episodes that made up the series. No loss for me. I was already with most of the material it dealt with. I blame the way it was presented. It was reminiscent of the history programs you'd see late at night. Something in the vein of "Our World At War" with its use of WWII footage and dry matter-of-fact narration.
I wouldn't object to another viewing, but, perhaps not during the twilight hours.
After gaining consciousness, we headed to my place. I made a "nutritious" breakfast of mac&cheese and hotdogs. Before and during the meal we watched some DVDs.
First was some disc AXE gave me in the mail. It was the highlights of Camp Touch. Anyone remember that ad campaign? Basically, a promo video where home video footage of the weekend (week[s]?) was condensed to 15 minutes. Since I never went to summer camp myself as a kid, I only have films as a point of reference. And it kinda looked like them. Y'know with people 19&up actin' like they're "kids" away at camp.
Next was "Napoleon Dynamite". Stupid fun. Lots and lots of stupid fun to be had by all. Namely, Jon and I. My family just looked at us weird as we enjoyed the movie.
-------------------------------------
The hell? I just looked outside and it's snowing. I better move my van, or as I like to call it when there's snow "My Coffin on Wheels", before some moron in a SUV crashes into it with their tonnage of 4-wheel-drive and traction control.
Random kid: What are you gonna do today, Karl?
Karl: Whatever I feel like I wanna do, gosh!
Later Days.
End Transmission.
posted by Shockah Karl at 1:04 a.m.
2 Comments:
Hey Karl. I was just browsing through random blogs and I stumbled across this one and was shocked to find myself referred to! Shocked in a good way, mind you, not shocked in lawsuity way, or shocked in the, uh, 'shockah' way. Besides, I stole the gimmick from Woody Allen, and the joke has since been stole by Family Guy and was the entire basis of the show Herman's Head, so I think you're going to be okay.
Holy crapping long post, Batman!
In other news: I don't have your email, but there's a Medicine Cabinet on Fri, starting at 10pm. Hit me up for deets if you don't remember due to, well, alcohol. Should be a big one.
-Dan (www.deadjournal.com/~fumer)
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