Season's Greetings 2003

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Holy Ramadan, Solemn Tet, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Winter Solstice, Happy New Year, and whatever festivities religious or otherwise that I may have neglected,



December arrives and yes it is time once again for an annual Karl Kronikle: Kristmas Edition. This year I will incorporate my annual season’s greetings into my blog over at http://shockah-karl.blogspot.com. Thus broadening my audience to not just you my loyal readers, fellow ex/current (if that is possible) employees of the Gastown correctional institute aka Brothers’ Restaurant, but, to the general public as well. At least those few who actually read it.



So anyway, another year has passed and the end of my academic career is close. All that lays ahead for the next semester is various meetings for the Arts Undergraduate Society (AUS), History Students’ Association (HSA), and Le Club Francais (seriously, how did I become their Social Coordinator?). I actually look forward to all this without having to worry about writing another UBC paper and exam. I can pretend I am one of those Canadian Senators. Ooh . . . a lifelong appointment, being paid to do nothing. Brings a tear to my eye. Although, I will have to search for a job to earn me some scratch to for important things, like food. Food is always important. If there is any money leftover, then I can purchase alcohol for consumption. Excellent.



Damn I thought I had more interesting things to say. I’m coming at a blank at the present moment. Man, I swear this has never happened to me before. Until I can think of something witty, let’s recap shall we?



Hmmm . . . where should I begin? I will arbitrarily pick Canada Day Weekend. Why this particular period? Well it is the weekend where I actually decided to quit/resign. After 5 years of drudgery I pretty much had it. For the longest time this place was my dysfunctional family away from home. It did not matter how many time one may have quit or have been fired from the place, one will always be welcomed back for a shift or two. It was that place you know you could always fall back on when you needed quick cash or were at a transitionary phase in your life. I mean the characters in that place could provide countless material for countless stories. We were a gang of individuals united in the destruction of our bosses Alonso and/or Jerry. After their fall from power, the old cast was phased out. Either one by one or in groups as in the case of the Valentine’s Day Massacre. The new owners/bosses were different. They were trying to reshape the place into their image. I mean these people had graphs and projections about plans about gaining a profit. Brothers’ gaining a profit? The ghetto restaurant at the ghetto end of Gastown? Bizarre. So here I was standing behind the coffee bar hating the place and the customers as usual when my buddy Mike the bartender told me he was gonna quit. He then asked me if I wanted to as well. As I put this idea through my head, I realized that there was nothing preventing me from leaving. I had no attachment to the place since I was pretty much fed up with the place and only staying around trying to get them to fire me. That was mildly amusing. So I was, “Sure.” I then got drunk at Mike’s for Canada Day and handed in my resignation the following Wednesday. My friend typed it up for me. I recall the first draft reading “Fuck you, I quit.” I looked at my friend in disbelief. He laughed and then handed me the actual resignation. This looked better. Good thing I arrived at a time when the wife was not on the premises, she would have thrown something at me.



So now I’m free. What did I do with my freedom? I know I’ve stated this in prior issues, but, bear with me; I’m neglecting my studies to type this as per usual. I went to Seattle to watch Manchester United rip Glasgow Celtic a new one. On our way back across the border the guard looked at us in disbelief. We were adorned in our paper Krispy Kreme hats, large geeky smiles, and waving around our Jack in the Box bobble heads. The guy actually said, “I’m afraid to ask where you guys are from.” He then waved us through. Upon which we played a movie naming game and sang along to WEEZER CDs.



Next, I went to Lytton, BC. My friends and I went river rafting in the mighty Thompson River. We were the assholes splashing everybody else in the water. We also won the beach volleyball tournament their. It was like a 1980s film. We were not accustomed to winning. Since we were all on the same soccer team, DSBH, this whole winning concept was very foreign to us. The games were not even close. We kicked all sorts of ass. Granted we were sober while our competitors were drunk and drinking during the tournament, damn it, we were determined to win. Our prize consisted of a metal clip keychain that still use to this day.



What else? I saw Radiohead at Thunderbird Stadium in UBC. That concert was indescribable. I’ve always enjoyed their music, but, this concert experience just blew me away. When people complain about the state of music in our day and age, all it needs is an experience like this to make me happy. Go see an act that matters. It does not matter who or what genre it is, good music is good music.



While I’m on the subject of music and concerts, I finally saw Tegan and Sara. Awesome. This concert brought my spirits up when I needed it. Prior to this concert I was pretty bummed. It was a whole slew of things. I was behind in papers as usual, I was coordinating a BZZR garden for the HSA and French Club, and the concert to Tegan and Sara was sold out and I didn’t have any tickets. But, my friend Renata convinced me to come out because there was a line-up for non-ticket people, people like me. I have not hung out with Renata since our days at Langara College. I actually missed hanging out with her. We became reacquainted with each other through Friendster.com. She was surprised that I liked Tegan and Sara, being that I was a guy and a breeder. So I go to the Pit, get in, and hung out with Renata and her posse. They were soooooo cool. I was like their token breeder mascot. Apparently one of them went out with one of my old high school friends who was fondly nicknamed, “Frequently Naked Boy” or “FNB” for short. Oh yeah, Tegan and Sara ROCKED!!!



What else did I do? My friends Erik and Dave are trying to start up a media production company. My role in this endeavour has been dropped down to minimal status. I was actually going to suggest this to them because with my commitments to school and the soccer team, I just could not commit all my time to this project. They were going to tell me the exact same thing. So we were relieved that we were all on the same wave length. Plus I felt like I was some sort of dead wait to them and that made me feel bad. Hopefully, I can complete that overdue script on a UBC orientation video after my exams.



Soccer. DSBH. Die Skorbut Boser Hund. German slang that literally translates to “the scurvy pack of dogs”. What started out as a bunch of friends playing in UBC rec league soccer, futsol, and basketball has now become a Div. 2 club in the Richmond Senior Soccer League. At the Gala in the MASS this past Friday I talked to a member of the AMS (can’t remember if he was president or one of the VP’s). And he remembered DSBH! Apparently they were blown away by our proposal and the fact that we were able to get EA Sports to sponsor our team. Anyway, DSBH season 2 in the RSSL. I think the team is really gelling. While we currently sit in the middle of division, we are leaps and bounds beyond season 1. We have a coach, a system, players that actually show up, and people that run the team. Sure I am no longer an active player this season; I enjoy being the equipment manager (glorified water boy). Apparently I can set up a net like no other, the practice bibs always smell clean, and my water burns in a good way. I also film the games. For a guy who does not play, I sure bring a lot of equipment to games and practices. Another interesting feature about this league is that there is no room for mutual respect and admiration. I can honestly admit that I hate each and every other team in our division, if not the whole league. Lives United is the closest thing I can think of as an ally in the whole league. As for the others, I would love to hurt them physically. Seriously, a lot of these teams are assholes, and we have come close to fisticuffs on a few occasions. The common response by one of us when informed who our next opponent is usually, “Oh, those fuckers!” So yeah, soccer is pretty fun. We’re even kinda international this year. Last year we had one international, an Englishman. We kinda hated the guy. He’s not playing with us this year. Besides our usual cast of characters, we now have a Romanian coach and goalie, one German, one Austrian, a Frenchman, and a different Englishman. These guys are a funny lot and fit in with us pretty well.



Crap what else did do? School? I and a few others decided to bring the HSA back to life. For the first month or so it was pretty much dead. We were able to resurrect it for all intents and purposes. I was then appointed treasurer, those bastards. I was also appointed AUS Rep because I was apparently the least likely to piss people off. Plans this year t legitimize the existence of the club include hosting a history conference, relaunching the history journal “The Atlas”, and various activities like a “Quiz Challenge” during Arts Week. Hopefully, I and the other HSAers can keep this club going on after we graduate. There are a lot of young and new members. I hope to see them run this thing. They seem enthusiastic and not too jaded about life.



AUS. This group is pretty cool and funny. I haven’t felt like I was contributing to campus life since my days in high school. Back then I volunteered in almost everything. Whether I was in sports, the lettermen (JOCKJOCKJOCK), the school newspaper, the video production team, improv club (GEEKGEEKGEEK), etc, I was usually seen around the school helping out. I come to UBC, and I was initially into just taking my courses, hanging out with my outcast group of friends, and getting the hell out of this school. The last thing I wanted to do was get entangled with school activities. We would go to class and then hang out in the Gallery. The original Gallery that used to have a sub lower basement in the shadows. Not the trendy shack that it is now. Man, I’m old. So now I’m the history rep on the AUS Council, and you know what? I like it. I can see why Kent would always hang out with them after he became AUS Rep last year and tell me to be the AUS Rep next year. Now I’m doing the same thing as him. Bloody hell. I’m actually looking forward to becoming a Hack when I graduate. As my soccer buddies would say, “They’re good people.”



Again, how did I become the Social Coordinator for the French Club? I already fulfilled my promise to them by joining their club. I was friends with Mike since he joined the HSA when I first joined the HSA. He then left due to arguments with other members in the history lounge. Situations like this is why I put an unofficial ban to card games in the history lounge. So I would see him at the French Club booth all the time. He’d bug me to join his club and I would bug him to rejoin the HSA. My decision to join their club was made at the Arts county Fair clean-up last year. The AUS will give money to the arts clubs. In return, the clubs have to provide labour for the clean-up. This usually meant that all the execs from each club had to work plus any other volunteers from the club. I show up, all hung over as hell, and you know what? I was the only goddamn history exec to show up. Aside from Kent and Jillian, who were there under AUS capacity, I was the only HSAer there. The only guys I knew there were the French Club and I became a honourary member that day. As to becoming an exec to their club? I think I did it as a favour. Apparently they are under the impression that I come up with good ideas for activities for the club to do. Fools I tell ya, fools. They’re nice people though. Although, for a while, exec meetings became a little too dramatic. Some of us went to the “Family Guy” BZZR Garden. Watching episodes of the “Family Guy” and the consumption of alcohol? Genius!!!



I know I’m forgetting stuff. Hmm . . . oh yeah I worked a banquet job for Khampou a while back. Over 300 customers, only 4 kitchen staff and 7 floor staff. Surprisingly, were able to go through the whole night with very little hassle. Plus we got fed. Score! I’ll probably get a call sometime during winter break to work a banquet or two. If get called in again I’ll try to spread the word around so you guys can get some extra cash too.



It was the Gala over at the Meekison Arts Study Space (MASS) at UBC. This event celebrated the one year anniversary of the MASS. It was a formal affair. I have sure worn my suit a lot so far this year (wore it for a costume for the AUS Retreat and I dressed as one of the Crazy 88 Yakuza members from “Kill Bill” for Halloween). A lot of festive cheer was had by all. Too much for some, but, that happens all the time at events such as this. During the course of the night I even made an appearance at the Science Undergraduate Society (SUS) Christmas Party. Not bad. It was more of an intimate gathering consisting of SUSers and their mutual friends. Then it was back to the Gala for more drinking and dancing. Not good dancing mind you, but, yes I danced. Then it was time to clean and mop. Wow, I am so bad at the art of mopping. Then after some more mopping, I drove the last hangers-on (troopers all) to their respective places they needed to be. Apparently they were impressed by the ever deteriorating mini-van I drive. The piece of plank wood holding up the passenger shotgun seat, the gash along the sliding door, and the engine that sounded like an old baseball card running along the spokes of a bicycle wheel, these were only but a few of the stunning features of my ride. As long as I make it home in one piece, then I’m happy. I am still amazed this machine passed Air Care yet again.



Last night my Stepmother and Stepsister arrived from the Philippines. There was a small family party celebrating their arrival. It was pretty weird for me. How do I address her? Mom? Step mom? Auntie? Jonah? I still don’t know. I don’t dislike or hate her. Quite frankly, I don’t even know her. I have not had a conversation with her, but, that could also be attributed to the fact that I little to no Filipino (that means all the dialects. I know a few curse words, but that would be an odd conversation with my new step mom wouldn’t it?) and the she knows little to no English. Either way this will take some getting used to. I mean me and my brother were the last ones to be told of their engagement and wedding. That was odd. She seems better than my father’s previous girlfriends. But then she hasn’t made my father waste his money into the purchase and running of a restaurant, nor is she a Filipino “Cultural Dancer” in Japan (whatever the hell that is). She is a Christian though. Devout as it seems. It’s weird seeing my dad read the bible all the time now. I’m not all that religious, I am spiritual though. Hopefully, she won’t try to convert me. That would so piss me off. That’s probably when I will start whipping out the gear and paraphernalia that made everyone in grade 9 at my all boy Catholic high school think I worshipped the devil. Hehehe. Those were good times. Technically, I own someone’s soul. It only cost me a loonie for him to buy a can of Coke. Muwahahaha . . .



Anyway, I hope to hear what everyone is up to. And as usual, a Christmas song:



Vandals Oi To The World lyrics

Haji was a punk just like any other boy

And he never had no trouble until he started up his Oi band,

Safe in the garage or singing in the tub.

Till Haji went to far and he plugged in at the pub



Twas a cold Christmas eve when Trevor and the skins

Popped in for a pint and to nick a back of crisps

Trevor liked the music but not the Unity

So he unwound Haji's turban and knocked him to his knees



If god came down on Christmas Day

I know exactly what he'd say

He'd say "Oi to the punks and Oi to the skins -

But Oi to the world and everybody wins!"



Haji was a bloody mess, he ran out thru the crowd

He said "we'll meet again we are bloody but not unbowed"

Trevor called his bluff and told him where to meet

Christmas day on the roof down 20 Oxford street



If god came down on Christmas Day

I know exactly what he'd say

He'd say "Oi to the punks and Oi to the skins -

But Oi to the world and everybody wins!"



On the roof with the nun chucks Trevor broke a lot of bones

But Haji had a sword like that guy in Indiana Jones



Police sirens wailing, a bloody dying man,

Haji was alone and abandoned his band

Trevor was there fading and still so full of hate

When the skins left him there and went down the fire escape



But then Haji saw the north star shining more then ever

So he made a tourniquet from his turban saving Trevor

The repelled down the roof with the rest of the turban

And went back to the pub where they bought each other bourbon



If god came down on Christmas Day

I know exactly what he'd say

He'd say "Oi to the punks and Oi to the skins -

But Oi to the world and everybody wins!"



Same Karl Time. Same Karl Channel.



Later Days,



Your Friendly Neighbourhood Karl



End Transmission.

Surveys & Whatnot

I haven't updated in a long time, so here are 2 surveys I filled out a while ago to fill the void. Go . . . discuss.



1. Your name spelled backwards? - lrak



2. Where were your parents born? - Philippines



3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto

your computer? The Paris . . . err . . . an MP3, yeah that's it, an MP3.



4. What's your favorite restaurant? - There are

seriously too many restaurants in existence to

name. Let's make this simple and say anything NOT

Brothers' Restaurant.



5. Last time you swam in a beach? - Can't

remember.



6. Have you ever been in a school play? - Yep. I was even a lead once, but, that was like grade 2 or 3.



7. How many kids do you want? As many as my sperm

will allow me to have, but, it is totally dependent upon the approval of my

partner, if I ever find one.



8. Type of music you dislike most? - Most current

pop and the blasphemy that R&B has become.



9. Are you registered to vote? - Oh yeah.



10. Do you have cable? - Oh yeah.



11. Have you ever ridden on a moped? Nope.



12. Ever prank call anybody? - Yep.



13. Ever get a parking ticket? - Yep, but, the

officer that issued them was a mean person.



14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? -

Yep. I'll probably require diapers when I do them

though.



15. Farthest place you ever traveled?!? Australia. 24 days of basketball, alcohol, and debauchery. Pretty good for highschoolers huh?



16. Do you have a garden? - Nope. Unless dandelions and clovers count.



17. What's your favorite comic strip? None really at the moment. But I'd probably go with Calvin & Hobbes, Bloom Country, and Space Moose.



18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem? - Yep. Especially when I'm

drunk. I'm Canadian, eh.



19. Bath or Shower, morning or night? - Shower morning, noon, or night. Depends on my schedule that day and when I wake up. Last time I showered, it was because I had a really bad allergy attack and needed to soak.



20. Best movie you've seen in the past month? - Office Space. Saw it again few days ago after several years. It is really underrated.



21. Favorite pizza topping? - only one? Either

pepperoni or mushrooms



22. Chips or popcorn? - flavoured tortilla chips with sour cream, guacamole, cheese, salsa, and perhaps meat. Popcorn, although tasty, gets sickening after a while.



23. What color lipstick do you usually wear? - None. I wear chapstick/lip balm though. I get all chappy sometimes.



24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells? - Eh? Is that pertaining to food preparation or smokin' it up in some sort of pipe for medicinal purposes? Either way, no.



25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? -

No. Like I have a chance.



26. Orange Juice or apple? - Orange. I haven't really drank apple juice comfortably since I was a toddler. According to my dad, I drank a goblet full of Johnny Walker Black Label because I thought it was apple juice, and have been mentally scarred ever since.



27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine? - Renata and her posse. We all went to some noodle house on Cambie after the Tegan & Sara concert.



28. Favorite type chocolate bar? - Again, there are too many for a chocolaholic like me to name. But you can definitely scratch Big Turk off the list.



29. When was the last time you voted at the

polls? - last BC provincial elections.



30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? - Last time I visited my grandparents or my Aunt Benny.



31. Have you ever won a trophy? Yes, they were few and rare. Does "Coach's Award" even really count though? I believe they are rotting and gathering mold, moisture, and dust in some box in the garage.



32. Are you a good cook? - Good enough for me. Not good enough for you.



33. Do you know how to pump your own gas? - Yes, but, my friend Renata apparently kicks my ass in this department.



34. Ever order an article from an infomercial? - Nope, but, my mom has.



35. Sprite or 7-up? - Don't really drink soda pop anymore, not straight-up anyways. Although, it would have to be rootbeer served in a frosty mug.



36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work? Oh yeah. Do the words "monks robes" mean anything to ya?



37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy? A combination of cough medicine, neocitron, and allergy pills.



38. Ever thrown up in public? - Yep. All throughout elementary school. Never learned to wait for my food to fully digest before I went out to play.



39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love? - True Love. In lieu of that, being a

millionaire would suffice.



40. Do you believe in love at first sight? - Yes.



41. Can ex's be friends? - depends



42. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? Grandpa I think.



43. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby? - enough I guess



44. What message is on your answering machine? Apparently my friends find it depressingly amusing for some reason.



46. What was the name of your first pet? - Coco and Loco. They were lovebirds.



47. What is in your purse? Don't have one. Not even an attache.



48. Favorite thing to do before bedtime? - Pass out?



49. What is one thing you are grateful for today? - It's Tuesday, so I guess not having any scheduled classes. Not that I've attended them recently. Also, by some miracle, my van passed Air Care.



50. What do you think about internet surveys? - meh



The Motion Picture Soundtrack of "Karl" (an ongoing work in progress)



Goddamn this was hard. I'm still not satisfied.

There are too many damn songs for me to choose.

This is what I could come up with. I'm already

thinking of over 10 songs for each category.



What if your life were a movie what would your soundtrack be?



OPENING CREDITS: WEEZER - "Mykel & Carli"



WAKING UP SCENE:

1) And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead -

"Another Morning Stoner"

OR

2) The Malchiks - "Skankouver, B.C."

AVERAGE DAY SCENE: Blackalicious - "Make You Feel"

FIRST DATE SCENE:

The La's- "There She Goes"

FALLING IN LOVE SCENE:

1) The Cure - "Just Like Heaven"

OR

2) The Cure - "Close To Me"

LOVE SCENE:

The Doves - "There Goes The Fear Again"

LOVE SCENE EXTENDED:

Bob Marley - "Jammin'"

BREAK UP SCENE: Cindy Lauper - "Time After Time"

TRANSITION SCENE: Northern Pikes - "Teenland"

LONG LOST LOVE SCENE: The Beatles - "In My Life"

GET BACK TOGETHER SCENE:

The Dan Band - "Total Eclipse of The Heart"

LIFE'S OKAY SCENE: R.E.M. - "Stand"

CREEPING SCENE: The Stone Roses - "Fools Gold"

HEARTBREAK SCENE:

1) Elliot Smith - "Needle In The Hay"

OR

2) The Replacements - "Here Comes A Regular"

MENTAL BREAKDOWN SCENE:

The Distillers - "City of Angels"

REDEMPTION SCENE: The Flaming Lips - "Fight Song"

DRIVING SCENE:

1) Sugar Ray - "Mean Machine"

or

2) Ministry - "Jesus Built My Hot Rod"

LESSON LEARNING SCENE: Elton John - "Tiny Dancer"

RELAX SCENE: The Beach Boys - "In My Room"



PARTY SCENE: Reel Big Fish - "Take On Me"

REGRET SCENE: The Stranglers - "Golden Brown"

LONG NIGHT ALONE SCENE: Johnny Cash - "Folsom Prison Blues"

FIGHT SCENE: Pennywise - "Bro Hymn"

DEATH SCENE: Norah Jones - "Don't Know Why"

FUNERAL SCENE:

Sinead O'Connor - "Last Day of Our Aquaintance"

MARRIAGE SCENE:

The Beach Boys - "Wouldn't It Be Nice"

HAPPY ENDING: Outkast - "Hey Ya"



CLOSING CREDITS: Pixies - "Here Comes Your Man"

Happy All Souls Day

Last night, as I embarked upon my ceremonial long-ass walk after a night of drinking, two words jumped out: Fucking Cold!!!



I never plan to go on these walks, they just occur out of necessity. The necessity to go home to a somewhat warm bed, and the fact that I keep missing my last bus home. It is totally my fault, so mock me all you want. The moment I learn how to add a comment section, then I can truly feel a connection with the world by reading nonexistent comments to my rants.



Anyway, as usual I digress. So there I am walking my usual route through the perils and pitfalls of 41st Avenue. Cold. Drunk. Tired. And did I mention cold? Being a pro at this, I already know the trip will take me a mere hour to complete. Yes, I've done this time and time again. From my house to Oak Street or Oakridge Mall (on Cambie and not Oak) is roughly an hour walk, give or take a few minutes. The journey is nothing, but then again this coming from a person that has walked across Knight Street Bridge many times, as well as excursions between downtown Vancouver/Gastown and my home. Each, an approximate 2-4 hour trek depending on my route.



Again, I digress. I walk and walk. The only part of the trek along 41st Avenue I dread is the block of Fraser Street. No, I'm not referring to street toughs or their numerous wannabe fans from Middle Class families. I hate walking by the cemetery. It would only be worse if I were perhaps walking along 33rd Avenue where you have that faint strip of road, a block long, between the two-halves of the Vancouver cemetery. Not that an undead thingy has ever approached me before, but, I might as well not put myself in a situation where it may occur, no matter how slight. Being that the night was Hallowe'en just turned it up a notch. So, if anything weird were to happen, then that would be the night for it to do so.



Ooooooh . . . ahhhhhhhh . . .



No nothing happened.



Or did it?



COUGHPUSSYCOUGH



Who said that?



And I walk . . . and walk. Many thoughts go through one's mind at times of isolation. Why am I here? Is there a purpose? Blah blah blah . . . Unfortunately, for me my mind loved to blackout. Every now and then I'd pop back into consciousness to find that I've traveled a half block or so, and surprised I did not stumble onto 41st. Kinda creepy, even for me. So, if anyone noticed a bundled-up zombie stumbling along 41st during the wee hours of Hallowe'en Night, that was me.



Maybe something did happen to me back at the cemetery.



Muwahahaha . . .